is it only my problem?

some evenings, when you really want to go out with someone, there is none to go out with, and you have to stay home to do nothing because you would like to be somewhere else. other evenings you really want to stay home and do your things, write some emails, play your bass, watch some films, and you have to go out 'cos you already have an appointment with someone. some days you are out with someone and you wish you were with someone else. some days you want to be in rome and you are in utrecht. some days you really want to be in toronto and you are in rome. some days you want to be a student, and you're a teacher. some days you want to be a well-know academic and you're a student. some days you want to be a wood artisan and you're just confused. some evenings you stay home drinking beer and watching videos and you could rather work. some evenings you work and you could rather be out with someone having fun. some days you think this just doesn't make any sense. some days you wish your desires would match with what you're doing. some days you wonder if this is only your problem and how can this be solved. anyone?

When I'm older I wanna read books on the radio (again)

I found a way to go to sleep at a time that resembles more a Dutch time than a Torontonian one:
put on your mp3 player or iPod some eBooks, read by someone, and listen to them in bed.
I'm now experiencing Asimov "The Caves Of Steel" from the "Robot series".

Other options to get to sleep if you don't feel like are:
1) get drunk alone at home and collapse in bed
2) get drunk with someone else and collapse in bed
3) work your head off and then collapse in bed
4) drink 2 litres of chamomile tea or the like
5) sleep with someone (human)
6) get a pet and get it to sleep it you
7) sleep with your stuffed animal

I've tried option 1, 3, 4 and 7 and they don't work.
Suggestions for further listening are welcomed.

if I had kissed a girl..

.. I would get pissed by Kate Perry's song "I kissed a girl".

That's not fresh news I know, but still:
I was happily zapping on the TV yesterday and what do I see? the beginning of the European MTV music awards, opened by Kate riding what is was supposed to be a HUGE lipstick.. (here) Had it had something hanging from it, it would have been the most realistic gigantic penis I had ever seen!

So, in a way she's so sexually explicit that she almost gets my sympathy, but she's blinking to straightness and patriarchy to such an extent I find her annoying.
Also, waaaay before hers, there was a song with the same title which is much better: here.

Toronto for beginners

I've been to Toronto, Canada. It's a very nice city despite who says it's a forest of high buildings and concrete.. it's not.. There's plenty of green and it feels 'fresh'; also maybe 'cos to me it "lacks" the all 'historical' burden, as in 'western history, monuments, etc..', so maybe I wouldn't live there my whole life, but it's a great place.
People are soooo friendly! I thought it was a stereotype like "Canadians are friendly", "Italians eat loads of pizza", "Frenches are romantic" and so forth.. but it's true! Does it mean that also the other stereotypes are true? dunno...
Canadians in Toronto talk to you, in shop, in the street if you are outside smoking a cig, etc.. You enter a place (restaurant, shop, etc..) and they go "how are you doing?" and you think and say "Hi, fine", but no, sometimes they really mean "how are you doing?" and you can say a whole story like "i'm fine but I'm kinda tired and hungry, etc.." and they listen!

Having lived in Holland(1) for 3 years it was a bit of a shock and I almost got pissed to a guy starting to ask, outside a pub, all about Annabel's(2) dissertation, and "where are you from" and "where do you hang out", etc.. . 'Cos I thought he was being annoyingly flirty.. but apparently he couldn't care less! He just wanted to chat and then "bye"..!

"They" say a lot of "awesome" and "sure" and "gotcha" and "they" pronouce 'out' like scottish do: 'ut', like 'ut and abut'.

The summary is: I like Canadians! They drink *pints* of beers (not like Dutchs with Amsterdammertjes and Fluitjes, tiny glasses!).
But cigarettes are way to expensive. In Toronto some big shops are way to kitsch (Honest Eds) and small shops look like they have been closed for years from the ouside but then they are really okay once you get in. I wanna go shopping everyday in "Fiesta Farms". Streets are big and the transport system is clear and easy, but too expensive. Traffic lights are yellow and they have school bus like in 50s films.

Ja, so, I wanna go back there.. just for a wee bit longer.. let's see.. I will.

(1) Most Dutch are.. uhm.. how to say.. cold? uninterested? mostly unfriendly? you say if you had ever been there.
(2) Yes, clearly I was there to see Annabel.