Maybe i’m moody, maybe just often tired in this period; maybe too susceptible in changing what I think according to external events, songs, the weather..
When it is like today, rainy, coldish, and I feel a bit lost, just taken by the events, not choosing, just blown by stuff.. it feels like winter. And somehow winter makes me wanting to stay at home, to stay safe, to have a regular life, without too much external excitement. Just me, my loved one, in a warm house, reading, studying, being seriously creative and “looking inwards” into me. And that’s not what I do/what I can do now. Winter for me is: fireplace and some warm liquor. Not that I’ve actually spent much time in front of a fireplace in winter.. I have one, in Rome, but I hardly use it. Here, in Holland, it would be great instead.
Only 2 days ago I felt like spring, which to me is the very opposite of winter. And they say it is spring now (I challenge an alien to come to Utrecht now and guess it is spring!.. anyway..)! Spring to me is novelty, desire to connect with people, to have fun, to change, to be open and get new challenges. Spring is creating something great without thinking about it too much. It is going out, being stupid, getting drunk with friends..
I mean, I like both seasons, I like these two moods, but not when they keep changing so continuously and suddenly!
Also today I was thinking about *being alone*, as in: living alone, going around alone, etc.. I love the contradictions it has for me: the feeling of freedom (whatever that might means), the need for someone to share stuff with, the great possibilities it beholds and the absolute emptiness it can end up being.. Well, that’s a bit of a long story ‘cos I’ve a long-running relationship with the idea of *being alone*, and now I’m really too tired to write...
00:07: going to bed, maybe watching a film, maybe not.
When it is like today, rainy, coldish, and I feel a bit lost, just taken by the events, not choosing, just blown by stuff.. it feels like winter. And somehow winter makes me wanting to stay at home, to stay safe, to have a regular life, without too much external excitement. Just me, my loved one, in a warm house, reading, studying, being seriously creative and “looking inwards” into me. And that’s not what I do/what I can do now. Winter for me is: fireplace and some warm liquor. Not that I’ve actually spent much time in front of a fireplace in winter.. I have one, in Rome, but I hardly use it. Here, in Holland, it would be great instead.
Only 2 days ago I felt like spring, which to me is the very opposite of winter. And they say it is spring now (I challenge an alien to come to Utrecht now and guess it is spring!.. anyway..)! Spring to me is novelty, desire to connect with people, to have fun, to change, to be open and get new challenges. Spring is creating something great without thinking about it too much. It is going out, being stupid, getting drunk with friends..
I mean, I like both seasons, I like these two moods, but not when they keep changing so continuously and suddenly!
Also today I was thinking about *being alone*, as in: living alone, going around alone, etc.. I love the contradictions it has for me: the feeling of freedom (whatever that might means), the need for someone to share stuff with, the great possibilities it beholds and the absolute emptiness it can end up being.. Well, that’s a bit of a long story ‘cos I’ve a long-running relationship with the idea of *being alone*, and now I’m really too tired to write...
00:07: going to bed, maybe watching a film, maybe not.
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